Thursday, October 19, 2006

years go by

Today, as I was drawing I found myself staring at my hands. As I looked at them, slightly chapped, with slight scars and wrinkles, I suddenly realized--these are my mother's hands. Through some alchemy of time, my hands and I have become practical and aged.

And these changes fill me with bittersweet thoughts. I remember once, in my youth, thinking that I wanted to be just like my Mom. She could play the piano, wear lipstick, and buy candy any time she wanted to (though she never did). Adults could do that. I thought they were so lucky.

But surprisingly, adulthood has not been full of the simple pleasures I imagined. I’ve buckled under its pressures and it’s left wrinkles that can never be smoothed. And as I observe the invisible transformation of carefree to careworn, I can’t help but wonder-- when did this happen?

And I realize that this has happened when I wasn't looking, as most important things go. It's the moments I miss, the minutes and seconds I cancel or forget that all add up and become what changes me irreversibly.

Unless you believe those Oil of Olay ads.

2 comments:

Elaine Magliaro said...

Grace,

Those aren't wrinkles! They're wisdom lines. You lose some things as you age: tight facial skin, a flat tummy, a tiny waist. But you gain some things, too. And not just weight. I should know. I'm nearly three decades older than you. Sometimes I wonder if I would trade what I have gained for what I have lost.
Sure, I'd like to be thirty again. But most days I feel like I'm thirty anyway. I really am happy with where I am in this point in my life.
Just don't ask me how I feel on November 15th! I may change my mind.

alvina said...

Wow, this was beautiful.