Thursday, October 19, 2006

years go by

Today, as I was drawing I found myself staring at my hands. As I looked at them, slightly chapped, with slight scars and wrinkles, I suddenly realized--these are my mother's hands. Through some alchemy of time, my hands and I have become practical and aged.

And these changes fill me with bittersweet thoughts. I remember once, in my youth, thinking that I wanted to be just like my Mom. She could play the piano, wear lipstick, and buy candy any time she wanted to (though she never did). Adults could do that. I thought they were so lucky.

But surprisingly, adulthood has not been full of the simple pleasures I imagined. I’ve buckled under its pressures and it’s left wrinkles that can never be smoothed. And as I observe the invisible transformation of carefree to careworn, I can’t help but wonder-- when did this happen?

And I realize that this has happened when I wasn't looking, as most important things go. It's the moments I miss, the minutes and seconds I cancel or forget that all add up and become what changes me irreversibly.

Unless you believe those Oil of Olay ads.


Elaine Magliaro said...


Those aren't wrinkles! They're wisdom lines. You lose some things as you age: tight facial skin, a flat tummy, a tiny waist. But you gain some things, too. And not just weight. I should know. I'm nearly three decades older than you. Sometimes I wonder if I would trade what I have gained for what I have lost.
Sure, I'd like to be thirty again. But most days I feel like I'm thirty anyway. I really am happy with where I am in this point in my life.
Just don't ask me how I feel on November 15th! I may change my mind.

alvina said...

Wow, this was beautiful.