Friday, January 05, 2007

waiting

Today was a day of waiting. Waiting for Robert to get tested, waiting to be called to the clinic, waiting for the doctor, waiting for the results, waiting for a treatment plan. And as I sat there, stomach sick and in a mind numbed state, I realize that the past 4 years of our life has been spent waiting—waiting for the chemo to be over, the surgery, the radiation—always waiting for that something great to happen, the big miracle, the green light that will allow us to live the rest our lives.

But it’s been a long traffic stop. As we prepare for Robert to go on chemo again, I watch all the people and their lives passing us as we stay stalled. And as the soot of despair covers us and thickens the air, I begin to lose hope. Is there really something there for us to wait for? How long do we wait for it?

But we'd rather wait than be towed away. So we'll wait as long as it takes.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Grace,

I am sad to hear of your difficult day and the prospect of the renewed chemo therapy that is ahead for Robert.

I wish you both gentle soft comfort and healing.

Katherine

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry. May you live in the moment and find peace there.

HipWriterMama said...

I was searching for your book, The Year of the Dog and found Robert's Snowflakes instead. Which led me to your website and blog.

My heart goes out to you and Robert. My sister has an incredibly debilitating illness. For 14 years, I have watched this horrible disease go to work. Yet the times my sister's body is able to start fighting--those are just plain hopeful. I choose to believe in the miracles.

Just from what I have gathered from the Robert's Snowflakes website--you are one brave, courageous,action oriented woman. Be strong. Cry. Have faith. Scream. Know it's important for you to take the time to take care of yourself. Laugh. Live your lives. Breathe. Love and comfort each other. You can do it. My prayers are with you.